Parent’s Concerns

(1) Once I have scolded my child, he/she will like me less.

The importance is in the progress “eg how the intervention is being carried out”, one that can result in obtaining positive outcomes and one that is beneficial to the child. Subsequently, the child will understand your purposes and intentions and not perceive it as a personal attack. Therefore, communication and emotional reassurance are very important.

(2) My child is already stressed so it is no good to put additional stress hence giving in to my child.

Although stress cannot be avoided, it can be controlled in a manageable way by making sure the child has proper coping skills and managements skills eg problem solving, time management, coping and positive thinking can help the child face any challenges in a confident manner. However, by “giving in” the child may expect everyone to do so and if not, it could lead to the child becoming angry, impatient, frustrated and disruptive.

(3) It is difficult to be fair to all my children so it is better to use one method for everyone.

In order to show fairness, parents have to obtain the child’s trust and reassurance that he/she is important to them. Using effective parenting skills tailored to meet each individual’s personality, character, emotional well-being, etc. demonstrate the purpose of your actions / interventions while decreasing biasness. By seeing that his/her parents are able to meet his/her needs and wants, the child is more likely to be cooperative.

(4) It is alright for one parent to be strict while the other to be relaxed and good.

Inconsistent parenting styles not only caused confusion to the child and undoing efforts implemented, it also caused the child to be manipulative as well as using the more relaxed parent as a backing. At times, this can cause problems between parents, their relationship and marriage. In order to discipline the child while showing positive emotional support, parents need to support each other through effective parenting styles. With this, parents can be a good role model by focusing on each other’s positive traits and skills.

(5) I cannot do more otherwise my child will be emotionally scarred for life.

Not taking any positive actions can cause the child to use what he/she is comfortable with / normally used to obtain his/her own ways or remaining within his/her comfort zone hence not willing to learn or improve. Using management or life skills, etc. the child will be able to think before acting and not respond than think.

(6) I need to push my child beyond his/her limits so he/she will do well.

Pushing the child beyond his/her limits or resources can be counterproductive as the child cannot cope or function at his/her most effective level. When the child is unable to cope, stress / pressure arises as well as other behavioural problems like anger, frustrations, anxiety, fear of studying, etc. This results in the child either giving up or not showing any interests for it hence avoiding it or making excuses so that he/she does not need to face it. Parents need to understand their child better through gaining insights and awareness of the child’s level of functioning, abilities, skills, and studying styles as well as showing emotional support. The child needs to learn how to deal with negative emotions plus learning self-monitoring and self-encouragement, so becoming an independent learner.

 

(4) As parents, I cannot get too close to my child otherwise I will lose control.

  - In order to be an effective parent, parents need to show the child that as parents they have his/her welfare at heart and that they can take appropriate and positive parenting actions when necessary. When the child feels safe and secure with his/her parents, working together to achieve common goals is more likely to take place. By showing emotional attachments, the child is encouraged to approach his/her parents when there is a need for it as well as instilling self-restraint or self-control.

 

 

 

 

Note: Results may vary for different individuals and/or families.

© 2016 Insights Mind Centre