(1) Punishment is no good for the child’s development.
What is important is to instil in the child self-control, impulse control, self-awareness,
self-regulations, etc. so that the child can avoid getting into this situation. The
more understanding the child has about himself/herself, the child is able to self-monitor
his/her own progresses as well as seeking help or guidance when needed.
(2) My child will look bad in front of his/her siblings if we scold him/her.
It is advisable that any form of interventions used need to show respect for that
person involved and together with appropriate processing skills, it is seen as a
learning process rather than fault finding. Also it is beneficial to explain to the
other children so that they all learn as a whole.
(3) My child will hate me if I am firm and in control.
Basically children will hate anyone who does not listen to his/her demands. Without
any effective boundaries and limitations, there is an imbalance of control and authority
hence parents losing their effectiveness. Instead, parents can use positive parenting
skills, effective communication and listening, positive bonding, expressing of emotions
and having fun so that the child sees his/her parents both sides.
(4) I need to be harsh and fierce so that my child will listen to me.
Being harsh and fierce, the child fears you rather than respects you or your decisions.
When he/she is numb to it or has grown bigger and not fearing it anymore, you will
lose total control. Without a strong foundation, the relationship will drift further
apart. It is advisable to instil understanding, acceptance and compromise. By working
with the child in a positive manner, the child is more likely to show responsibilities
and ownership. From obtaining positive praises, the child is more likely to do it
(5) Using punishments and scolding can toughen up my child.
Using such methods discourage a person from showing love, empathy, sympathy, care,
support, reassurance, understandings, etc. for others while encouraging an individualistic
mindset, winning at all cost, inappropriate coping methods / relating to others and
many other negative traits resulted from the lack of emotions. Appropriate disciplines
that are relevant to the child’s issues and not putting the child at any risks or
dangers can help the child learn boundaries, limitations, accepted social norms,
etc. Again the objective is focus on preventive measures and positive development
as compared to being reactive when problems arise.
Note: Results may vary for different individuals and/or families.